This site is dedicated to the
preservation of the Gherkin civilization as originally discovered by
Professor Quincy B. Dodd earlier last century. The Gherkins were a
pre-historical civilization that, for reasons known only to Q. B. Dodd,
disappeared on a Monday at 9:39 AM some 5000 years ago.
The following are some samples of
the types of material that the Professor has uncovered in his searches for
the origin and philosophies of the Gherkins. These quotes, originally
written by burning into the inside of Yak hides, were found to be hanging
above what the Professor called ' the ruins of some sort of peeing trough'
in the latrine Gherkin Armory. The purpose, according to the Professor, can
only be to motivate and guide a Gherkin through life's pit falls. But then
that's another story. The plaques have been translated by the
Professor and transcribed here for all to benefit from. The Professor
has consented to provide more fascinating facts on this misfortunate
dead civilization.
Never a week goes by that another
'find' is not delivered from the field for all to enjoy.
Respectfully submitted, The
Gorsch Team
(The following note of
explanation accompanied the crate with the original Yak hides when delivered
to the collection.)
"In the Gherkin society all
persons have their position or station in life added as a suffix to their
proper name. This convention is adhered to at anytime the name is
bespoke or transcribed. The suffix is indication of the current state
of the named. Therefore "King Roland the Dead", although alive at the
time of the utterances but, being now dead describes the condition of Roland
at the time that the scribe, Balloaf the Scribbler transcribed his words
down on Yak hides for posterity.." Q. B. Dodd
Famous Gherkin Quotes
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“If you always do what you’ve
always done, you’re safe.”
“The obvious can be deceiving
in it’s simplicity.”
“Time waits for no one unless
you forget to wind the clock.”
“If a task is worth doing,
it’s worth doing with difficulty.”
“The effort involved in any
task should exceed the significance of the results.”
Gaylord the Unfit
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“Toue wrongs will make a
right, if it serves a purpose.”
“Functional adequacy is of
less importance than physical appearance.”
“The end result need not
function if all the rules in it’s preparation have been followed.”
“The ultimate achievement is
the perfection of a bad idea.”
“As it is, is as it should
be.”
King Roland the Dead
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“Worryith nay, for someone
wilth take care of it.”
“Talent is directly
proportional to seniority.”
“The man who battles the Beast
once and survives is very lucky. The man who battles the Beast twice and
survives is a liar.”
“Long term planning is not
required for a short term society.”
“There is no problem so large
that it can not be expanded upon.”
Ballfore the Dull
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“Given a choice . . don’t”.
“Positive results may be
obtained from automating a mistake.”
“Repetition is redundant and
Redundancy is Repetitive sometimes.”
“There are toue words that
must always be avoided. Never use the words ALWAYS or NEVER.”
“Never tell a man What you
want him to do, only How to do it.”
Gustov the
Glandular
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“Doing all whit nothing
beginith by learning to do mohr whit les.”
“Constructive criticism can be
destructive if not constructed critically, or there abouts.”
“To ask for advice is
advisable but to act on it is not good form.”
“A meeting can be more
productive if the outcome is known before hand.”
Antone the Causer
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“Results of a positive nature
mayith be obtained by thinking of a negative nature”.
“Nay putith off to the morrow
that which mayith be puthith off until the next morrow.”
“The words “Can not’” shall be
the key to your future.”
“Quality shall not replace
schedule adherence.”
Neffrum the Prat
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